Number 8: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 7: Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6: Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5: Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4: All of us could learn a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3: Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200, and a substantial tax cut save you $30.
Number 2: In the 60s, people took acid to make the world look weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1: Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; what you do today might burn you tomorrow.